


We Grieve with Hope

by GinnyK



Series: Lights Will Guide You Home [3]
Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Family, Grief/Mourning, Kids, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3526712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ACN and Skinner families grieve the loss of Charlie and by sticking together, start to heal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Will and Mac followed the rest of the staff to the limos which would take them back to their new reality, ACN without Charlie Skinner.  Mac’s hand was tucked in his as they slowly made their way down the driveway.

“Will, wait,” came a voice from behind him.  Will turned to see Charlie and Nancy’s daughter, Katie hurrying toward him, Ned trailing a few steps behind.  The boy was still dressed in his little blue blazer and tie but the tie was hanging askew and his shirt tails were hanging out.  “Ned wanted to see you before you left,” she explained as she stopped in front of Will.  “I’m sorry, I know you’re in a hurry,” she apologized.

“No problem,” Will assured her as he felt a little hand grab his.  He looked down and saw Ned looking up at him, little tears starting to fall.  “Go send the others on their way and save us a limo,” Will said to Mac.  He leaned over to kiss her cheek as he turned his attention to the little boy.

“Take your time,” she said.  Smiling in Katie’s direction and ruffling Ned’s hair she continued down the driveway.

Will and Ned walked to the bench where he’d found Ned earlier in the day.  They both sat down with a sigh.  Will leaned over, elbows on his knees.  Ned sat with his feet swinging freely, his legs too short to reach the ground.  He said nothing, just sniffed a little.

“What’s up, buddy?” Will asked as he leaned over a little, nudging his companion with his shoulder.

“Can I talk too?” Ned asked quietly as he wiped away a few tears.

“What do you mean?” Will asked, rather confused.

“In the garage, you told Beau that he could talk to you about Mommy and Daddy.  Can I do that too?” Ned whispered.

“Of course you can,” Will assured him as he handed Ned a tissue out of his jacket pocket.  As Ned wiped his face Will reached over picked him up, settling him in his lap for a minute.  “You can call, I can visit you here, you can even come to the office to see me.  Deal?”

“Deal,” Ned agreed as he wrapped his arms around Will, holding him tight.  Will returned the hug as his tears started over again.  He honestly didn’t think he had any left.  He’d done alright that day but had spent the better part of the week in tears.  The need to appear calm and stoic to the rest of the staff was important to him.  Being stoic in front of a 6 year old boy, apparently not as important.

“I have get going, Poppy wouldn’t be too happy if I was late getting on the air tonight, don’t you agree?” Will asked as he untangled both his arms and Ned’s.

“He’d be pretty mad,” Ned agreed with a little laugh.  He slid off Will’s lap and stood between his knees for a second.  Will reached to straighten his tie and smooth down his hair before pressing a quick kiss to the boy’s forehead.  Will held out a fist to Ned.  The little boy smiled and raised his own fist to bump Will’s.

“Why don’t you go find your grandmother, I’m sure she’ll be lonely with everyone getting ready to leave.”

“Okay,” Ned said as he turned to run up the hill back to the house.  His dress shoes slipped on the grass and he stumbled ending up with a nice grass stains on the knees of his little khaki pants.  He looked over his shoulder at Will and smiled.  Will just waved back and turned to head down to the last waiting limo.

*****

“Everything okay?” Mac asked as Will closed the door and tapped on the divider to let the driver know he was ready to leave.

“Yeah.  Back in the garage I had told Beau that if he ever needed to talk about his parents’ divorce or whatever I would be willing to listen.  Apparently Ned was paying attention when Beau and I had that conversation and he felt a little left out. Wanted to know if he could talk to me too,” Will explained as he settled back in his seat and pulled his tie loose.  “I assured him that I would talk to him too.  He’s a sweet little guy.  Except for the snot stain he seems to have left on my jacket,” Will muttered as he took a glimpse at mark on his left shoulder.

“That is adorable,” Mac said as she batted his hands away and untied the striped silk tie before slipping it out from under Will’s collar.  She folded it and put it in her bag as Will undid the top button of his dress shirt.  He shrugged out of his suit jacket and handed it to Mac.  “Anything else you’d like to remove?” she smirked as she set the jacket on the empty seat.

“Really?” Will asked as he tried to figure out how long the trip back in to the city would take.

“No, Billy.  I was kidding,” Mac pointed out with a sigh as she kicked off her shoes and curled up next to Will, head on his shoulder.  He reached to rest his hand on her stomach, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact he was going to be a father.  Mac covered his hand with hers and took a deep breath.

“Charlie knew,” she whispered.

That was Will’s undoing.  He took a deep halting breath and started to shake.  Mac sat up and held him while he sobbed.

Twenty minutes later his sobs showed no real sign of slowing down and Mac was starting to freak out just a bit. 

“Will, you need to calm down a little, you’re going to make yourself sick.  Take a deep breath and try to hold it,” Mac whispered as she brushed back his hair and kissed his forehead.  She leaned over a little to her left and grabbed a bottle of water.  She managed to prop Will up enough to free her hands to open the water bottle.  “Take a sip,” she said as she wrapped his hand around the bottle. 

Will managed to take a few sips of the water but in the process also managed to spill more than a few drops on his shirt, leaving Mac thankful she’d taken off his tie a few minutes earlier.

“Better?” Mac asked as he leaned over, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.  He nodded his head a little as she rubbed his back.

“When did you tell him?” Will asked, still staring at his shoes for fear of falling apart all over again if he looked at Mac.

“I didn’t feel well when I went out to lunch with Nancy.  She was the one who planted the whole idea in my head.  To be honest it hadn’t even occurred to me.  I bought a test that night and took it up to their house the next night.  Nancy sent Charlie to have bloodwork Saturday morning.  I ran downstairs when I heard him leave.  Really had to pee,” she laughed.  Will chuckled a little too.  “I took the test in Charlie and Nancy’s powder room.  So Nancy knew first.  I wanted to wait to tell you until I had seen the doctor.  But I thought it would cheer Charlie up, if he knew.”

“Did it?”

“Thrilled beyond belief.  Picked me up and spun me around.  Proclaimed himself an honorary grandfather.”

“Thank you for telling him,” Will whispered. 

“You’re not being mad that you weren’t the first one I told,” Mac whispered back.

“Not at all.  I feel better that Charlie knew about the baby.”

“Me too,” Mac added as she pulled him close.

*************************

They spent the next 6 hours in a daze, as did all the other members of the ACN family.  Together they did a show which would have made Charlie proud.  After a bourbon toast at 9:15 Mac excused herself to pack up her things and find her husband.  That proved to be harder than she had expected.  He’d gone to change after the toast and she assumed he was still in his office.  He wasn’t in the bullpen, his office, his bathroom, or her office.

She headed back to the bullpen to look for him.  Don caught her questioning look and pointed upstairs.  She found Will in Charlie’s office.  He was leaning against the front of his desk in the dark.  Bourbon in hand and tears streaming down his face, the sight of him broke Mac’s heart once again. 

“Billy, come on let’s go home,” she said quietly as she held out her hand to him.  He made no effort to move, other than to hold his hand out to her.  She gave in and walked in the room, a flood of memories hitting her as she crossed the threshold. 

They leaned quietly against the desk, linked only by their intertwined pinkies.  Will eventually wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater before pushing himself away from the desk with a sigh.

He led Mac out of the room in silence.  They headed down the elevator, not stopping to talk to anyone on their way out.  Mac just wanted to get him home.

*****

Will went through the next few weeks in a haze.  Around him people like Mac, Jim and Maggie settled in to their new positions.  Both he and Mac attended her first OB appointment where they were able to hear their unborn child’s heartbeat for the first time.

While he was beyond excited to become a father he found himself feeling incredibly sad that Charlie wouldn’t be there to share their joy.

About a month after Charlie’s death he was sitting at his desk when Jenna came in with his mail.  He was on the phone at the time and he motioned for her to just drop it on the edge of the desk.  After wrapping up his phone call he reached for the large manila envelope.  The return address was a vaguely familiar address in New Rochelle.  WILL MC AVOY was written in the handwriting of a small child but the rest of the address had been clearly filled in by an adult.  Will smiled, pretty sure he knew who the mail was from.

He carefully slit the envelope with the letter opener and pulled out two sheets of paper, one was a handwritten note, he assumed by Katie and the other a crayon drawing by Ned.  Without even looking at the caption Will knew the picture was of Charlie, the silver hair and striped bow tie gave it away instantly.  He set it on his desk and picked up the note from Katie.

 

Will,

As you can see, Ned has been busy.  It think this is the fourth attempt he has made drawing a picture of Dad.  He wanted to get it just right, so you would know immediately who it was.  I assured him you would have no problem figuring it out!

The boys are both doing okay. I guess I never really noticed or maybe even appreciated how much Dad did for them.  He really stepped in to the father role when Michael left.  Perhaps I took some of that for granted.

Beau has been throwing himself into his music more, not sure that was even possible.  But it keeps him occupied and since they practice in our garage he’s close enough for me to keep an eye on him.  He’s been pretty quiet, but then again he’s always pretty much been that way.  Dad always said he didn’t talk enough to be my kid.

Ned’s more willing to talk about his Poppy.  This was his first real experience with death and he’s handling it as well as can be expected I suppose.  He’s been having nightmares but the pediatrician assures me that’s normal.  Not sure I’ll ever consider being woken up by a screaming 6 year old normal but I do see his point.

From what I’ve seen and read Mac seems to be settling in to her new position.  I can’t think of anyone more qualified to take Dad’s place.

Speaking of Mac, I hope all is well with the pregnancy.  By the way, Ned talks about the baby all the time.  I think he secretly wants a baby brother or sister but that’s just not happening.  So your bundle of joy will have to fill the void for him.

Mom is doing remarkably well, probably better than all of us.  She comes to dinner a few times a week and we’ve talked about her coming to stay with us permanently but she’s having nothing to do with that idea.  She’s so independent and while I’d love to have her move in I know she’s happier in the house they shared for all those years.  She’s started to go through some of Dad’s things.  Don’t be surprised if your bow tie collection increases by leaps and bounds in the next few months!

Well, Ned is tugging on my arm asking me when we can go to the post office so I will wrap this up.

Give our love to everyone at ACN.  We think about all of you often.  I will see you soon, Mom is planning on coming by to finish cleaning out Dad’s office so Mac can completely move in, and stop tripping over the boxes.

Love,

Katie, Beau and Ned

 

Will wiped away a stray tear and stood to hang up the picture.  As he crossed the room Sloan appeared in his doorway.  She had a few questions for him regarding an interview he was doing the next night.  She was about to blurt them out as she caught Will wiping his eyes and tacking the picture to his bulletin board.

“Ned?” she asked as she moved into the room to admire the artwork.  She walked back to lean against the front of Will’s desk.

Will could just nod.  He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets as he settled next to Sloan.  He crossed his ankles and suddenly found his shoes fascinating.  Despite the weeks that had gone by, he still found it difficult to talk about Charlie’s death.  Mac tried every few days or so to get him to talk, usually giving up after a few awkward minutes.  She’d made a few subtle suggestions about his returning to regular therapy sessions but he’d yet to do so.  And her days of subtle suggestions were coming to an end.

“You okay?” Sloan asked.  Will looked up suddenly, having basically forgotten that she was right next to him. 

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Well, I don’t particularly believe you, but I’ll leave you alone,” Sloan said quietly.  She leaned a little to her right, nudging Will in the shoulder.

“Thanks,” he whispered as he nudged her back.

Sloan left the room quietly glancing back over her shoulder at Will who was still leaning against his desk, head hanging.


	2. Chapter 2

About a week after Will had received Ned’s picture in the mail he found himself at the office on a Saturday morning.  Dressed in jeans and sneakers he took the elevator up to Charlie’s office.  Despite the fact that Mac had been working out of the office for the better part of a month, he still called it Charlie’s office.  That didn’t bother Mac in the least, she still referred to it as Charlie’s office most of the time.  There were still so many reminders of him in the room. 

Katie, Nancy and the boys were stopping by to collect the last of Charlie’s personal items from the office.  It would be the first time they’d all been together since the funeral.  He’s seen Nancy once the week after the funeral when she came into the office to deal with some paperwork and they talked at least once a week.  They were all sad that Mac wasn’t there but their unborn child had other ideas and he’d left her on the couch with ginger ale and a sleeve of saltines. 

Will headed up to the office before everyone arrived.  He made a pot of coffee and grabbed a few copier paper boxes.  As he was tossing the boxes into the office and reaching for his coffee he heard the elevator chime.

“Will,” Ned called from the elevator.  He started running towards him as soon as the elevator doors opened up enough for him to squeeze his little body through. 

“Hey Ned,” Will said with a big, goofy grin as the boy launched himself towards him.  Luckily Will had put down his cup of coffee and he caught Ned and spun him around a little.  Ned was wearing an ACN baseball hat and since it was clearly not a child’s hat, Will assumed it had belonged to his grandfather.  As Will straightened Ned’s hat out the rest of the group entered the office.

Will gave a hug to Katie and Nancy before turning to shake Beau’s hand.  Nancy had brought breakfast along and quickly made herself busy setting out donuts and bagels.  Will and Beau got to work boxing up the books Nancy wanted to take home with her.  Don arrived just as Beau was putting the last of the heavy boxes out by the elevator.

“Nice timing, Keefer,” Will teased.

“I try,” Don teased right back as he greeted everyone. 

The adults sorted through the liquor bottles, packing up most of the unopened ones and leaving the ones Charlie had already opened.  Nancy gave Will the crystal decanter and glasses which had resided on the antique side table for many years.  She also left Charlie’s battered leather portfolio for Mac, sticking in a letter she’d written the night before.

While the adults and Beau worked, Ned was content to sit in Charlie’s chair, alternately playing on the computer, spinning around and eating cinnamon donuts.

While Don went off in search bubble wrap, Will and Beau took the boxes of books down the elevator.

“So how are things going?” Will asked as he hit the button for the elevator.

“Okay, I guess.  Band is doing great.  We had to take some time off at the end of the school year. But we are back at it.  We actually have some gigs over the summer.  I’ll email you the schedule if you want to come hear us.”

“I’d like that,” Will answered as the elevator doors slid open.

“Got a job too.  Just at the food store, but gives me gas money and date money.  Nana gave me Poppy’s car, that was nice of her.”

“Speaking of dates, you went to the prom, right?”

“Yeah,” Beau answered with a little smile as he shoved a box onto the elevator with his foot and picked up another one.

“Hot date?” Will teased.

“Cute date,” Beau said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.  He quickly scrolled through the photos and held the photo up to Will to show him a picture of a very cute red head named Audrey.

“Nice.”

“We’ve been together about 6 months.  She was out of town when Poppy died, so you didn’t meet her that day,” Beau explained as the elevator doors opened on the ground floor.

Will and Beau pushed the boxes out of the elevator and stacked them up near the front door, under the watchful eye of the security officer.

Will motioned for Beau to step outside.  They stood out on the sidewalk in front of the AWM building so Will could smoke.

“I thought you quit,” Beau said.

“I’m trying.  Down to a few a day.”

“In secret?” Beau teased. 

“Sort of.  I mean, Mac’s not dumb, I’m sure she knows I haven’t quit completely.  But I try not to do it in front of her.  And I don’t do it in my office anymore.”

Will smoked quickly and they headed back inside.

“How’s your grandmother?” Will asked as he hit the button to call the elevator back down. 

“I think she’s doing pretty well.  She comes over a few times a week.  Mom wants her to move in but she likes her independence,” Beau explained, using the very same words Katie had used in her letter to Will.  “And I think Ned would freak out if she moved out of the house.  I think he feels close to Poppy when we’re there.  Likes to hang out in his office,” Beau explained with a shrug of his shoulder.  “He cries at night sometimes.  I’ve found him curled up at the end of my bed a few mornings lately.”

“Poor kid.  I’ll try to talk to him for a few minutes before you guys head back,” Will offered.

“He’d love that.  He talks about you, Mac and the baby all the time.  We keep reminding him the baby’s not coming until February,” Beau laughed.  “Not sure he has any idea how far away February really is,” Beau added with a smile.

“I’m glad he’s excited,” Will said as the elevator doors slid open.

By the time Will and Beau got back upstairs Don and the ladies were carefully wrapping picture frames and other breakables.  Nancy had set aside some knickknacks for some of the staff and had Ned busy making tags out of yellow Post-it notes to mark the items.

“This is your pile,” Ned told Will as he pointed to the assortment of things on the corner of the desk.  In addition to the crystal decanter and glasses there was a framed picture of Will and Charlie from the night Bin Laden had been killed.  Will looked pretty good, considering his state that night.  There were some good pens in wooden boxes and a few other little items which held sentimental value to Will alone.

“How about you help me carry this stuff to my office,” Will said.  Ned’s little face lit up and he slid off the chair, looking at his mom for permission.  Katie smiled and pointed towards the door.

“Thank you,” she mouthed in Will’s direction.  He smiled and winked as he grabbed the box with the crystal after handing Ned the pens and a few other unbreakable items. 

They rode down in the elevator, Ned bouncing around as most 6 year old boys tend to do.

“It’s this all your office?” Ned asked as he set the pens down on the desk.  He stood in the middle of the room and spun around, taking it all in.

“Yep, all mine.  But I let Mac hang out in here too sometimes.”

“Where’s her office?” Ned asked as he moved to look out the window.

“Well, her office used to be down the hall but now she’s moving to Char…” Will stopped short.  Ned’s head whipped around to face him.

“Is that why we cleaned Poppy’s stuff out?” Ned asked.

“Yeah, Mac’s the new President of ACN, so she gets the big office,” Will explained.

“That’s cool, I guess,” Ned said as he shrugged his shoulders.  “Hey, you hung up my picture,” he exclaimed as he looked at the bulletin board.

“Of course I did,” Will stated as Ned stood proudly looking at his artwork in its place of honor on Will’s wall.

“I miss Poppy,” Ned said in a matter of fact manner. 

“I do too, buddy.”

Will took a seat in his desk chair and Ned climbed up in his lap as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  It took Will by surprise for just a second and he settled quickly.

“I cry at night,” Ned whispered as he grabbed Will’s left hand, fiddling with his wedding ring.  “But not every night,” he assured Will.

“It’s okay.  I’ve cried at night too, more than once,” Will admitted with a sigh.

“Mom said we have to go the cemetery next month.  The rock, or something, is being delivered.”

Will chuckled, “I think your mom meant the stone with your Poppy’s name on it.  It marks his grave.”

“Will you and Mac be there?” Ned asked.

“Of course,” Will answered as he leaned back a little in the chair, propping his feet on the desk.  Ned turned in Will’s lap so his Chuck Taylor clad feet were hanging over the arm of the chair, his head resting against Will’s shoulder.  Will inhaled the scent of recently washed little boy hair, mixed with cinnamon donuts and chocolate milk.

“Nana gave me Poppy’s sweatshirt,” Ned muttered.

“That was nice of her.”

“It’s a little big on me,” Ned laughed.

“Well, you’re about 4 feet tall and your grandfather was about 6 feet tall, so yeah, I imagine it is,” Will laughed.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and turned on some music.  Ned snuggled against Will’s chest.  He wasn’t his normal chatty self and truth be told, Will wasn’t really in a chatty mood either.  They relaxed and listened to the music.

Will wasn’t sure how long they were sitting there lost in their thoughts, maybe they even nodded off for a few minutes but Nancy’s voice calling out to Ned brought them both back to the present.

“Ned, why don’t you go back upstairs and grab your hat and backpack.  We’re going to leave soon.”

“Okay Nana,” Ned answered.  He kissed Will’s cheek and slid off his lap.  “Bye, Will,” he called over his shoulder.

“Bye buddy,” Will answered with a wave.  He hit the pause button on his phone and pulled his feet off the desk.

“Did he talk much?” Nancy asked as she moved to look out the window.

“A little, told me he cries at night.”

“He’s not the only one,” Nancy admitted.

“No, he’s not,” Will added. Nancy just smiled at him. 

“You’re coming out to the cemetery next month, right?” Nancy asked.

“Of course,” Will assured her.

“Perfect.  We will just go back to the house and have a little BBQ afterwards.  Oh, the whole thing is casual, don’t show up in a suit and tie, you will be the only one,” she teased.  “You can pass the word along to the staff, everyone is more than welcome to attend.”

“I’m sure they’ll appreciate the invitation.  Let us know if we can bring anything,” Will offered.

“I will do that. See you then.  Give my love to Mac,” Nancy said as she kissed Will’s cheek before turning to leave.

Will went down the elevator with Nancy, Katie and the boys.  With hugs all around they said their goodbyes on the sidewalk.  With one last wave, Will went back in the ACN building to find Don and see if he wanted to get lunch.

***************

“Mac?” Will called out as he stepped into the apartment a little after 4:00.

“Kitchen,” she called back as she reached for a towel to dry her hands. 

“Guess you’re feeling better,” he said as he took a look around at the mess in the kitchen.  While Mac wasn’t a great cook, she made up for it in enthusiasm and unfortunately that usually led to a big mess at the end of the day.

“I feel good.  Chili, baked ziti and baked chicken, all in the freezer,” she announced as she swept her hand over the remnants of her cooking session.

“So what’s for dinner tonight?” Will asked as he opened the fridge and reached for a bottle of water.

“Pizza,” Mac announced.

“Of course,” Will said with a laugh.  He waved Mac off when she tried to clean up.  She hopped up on the one clean spot on the counter as she watched her husband clean up her cooking mess. 

“So how did everything go?” Mac eventually asked when it was clear Will wasn’t about to start a conversation. 

“It was fine.  We got everything packed up.  Nancy set aside some stuff for the staff.  Ned made Post-it name tags for everything,” Will said, smiling at the image of his little friend carefully spelling the names correctly.

“How’s he doing?” Mac asked.

“I think he’s doing okay, considering.  We spent some time in my office.  He got to see his picture hanging on my wall.  When I sat down in my chair he just crawled up in my lap and made himself comfortable.”

“That’s so sweet,” Mac said quietly.

“It was.  Says he cries at night, but not every night, he assured me.  I think visiting Charlie’s office gave him some closure.  He knows the office is yours now.  Wanted to make sure we were going to the cemetery next month.”

“What about Beau?” Mac asked as she reached over to flick the flame on under the teakettle.

“He’s good.  Apparently he has a girlfriend.  A cute little redhead name Audrey.  He had a good time at the prom.  Keeping busy with his music.  And he has a job at a local food store.”

“What about you?” Mac asked, trying to just sneak that question in.

Will turned back towards the sink without answering.

“Billy, answer me,” Mac insisted as she pulled a mug out of the cabinet.

“Would you believe me if I said that I don’t know how I’m doing?”

“Of course I would.  You’ve been through so much these last few months for God’s sake.  You’ve been to jail, lost your best friend, you’ve had to adjust to a new EP, not to mention you just found out you’re about to be a father.

“Thanks for the recap,” Will muttered over his shoulder.

“I’m tired of watching you mope Will.  It’s time to talk,” Mac said firmly.

“We talk all the time,” Will shot back.

“No, we don’t.  And I didn’t mean time to talk to me,” Mac stated plainly.  She waited a minute for her words to sink in.  When they did, Will dried his hands on the towel he’d slung over his shoulder before turning around.

“Dr. Habib?” Will sighed.  Mac nodded.  “Okay,” he answered quickly.  Mac looked at him strangely.  She had expected much more of a fight, or more precisely, some kind of a fight.  “I’ll call for an appointment.”

“Now I’m worried,” Mac announced as she held her hand out to Will.

“Why?” Will asked as he grabbed her hand.  . 

“Cause you just gave in.  No fight, nothing.  Do you feel okay?” she teased as she felt his forehead.

“Mac, you’re right.  I’m not handling things all that well and I should talk to someone who, you know, went to medical school,” Will said with a smirk as he reached for the tea kettle which had just started to whistle.  He poured Mac’s cup and then decided to pour a cup for himself.  “I think it might be time to go back regularly.  Go back on some meds.”

“Sounds like a great idea. Do you think we could we actually leave the kitchen?” Mac asked.

“Of course,” Will said as he helped her off the counter and pick up their mugs.  Mac led the way to Will’s almost completed office/library/man cave.  They settled down at opposite ends of the leather couch, Mac’s feet ending up in Will’s lap.

“Did I ever tell you about the conversation I had with Charlie right before you came to News Night?”

“About what?”

“Among other things, he asked me if I’d ever considered becoming a father.  I couldn’t say I’d never thought about it, but at the time I was already in my 50’s, obviously not involved with anyone I would consider having kids with or anything.  But Charlie pushed me, told me to consider it, said that fatherhood really lived up to all the hype.”

“I’m sure it does,” Mac whispered as she leaned over to put her mug down.  She pulled her feet from Will’s lap and propped them on the coffee table.  She held her hand out to Will and he set his mug down on the end table before maneuvering himself to her end of the couch, ending up with his head in her lap.  “You’re going to be a great father, Billy,” she whispered as she ran her hand through Will’s blond hair.  “Just think of all the practice you’re going to get hanging out with your new little friend,” Mac teased. 

“Yeah, Ned’ll be good practice,” Will admitted with a smile.  “We should have him over, sleepover or something.”

“A sleepover?” Mac teased.  “I’m sure there wouldn’t be any sleeping involved, just junk food and superhero movies.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Yes it does.”

Will took a few deep breaths and relaxed for the first time since earlier in the day when he and Ned had curled up in his chair. 

“Close your eyes,” Mac suggested as she pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and tossed it over Will.  She ran her fingers through his hair and he eventually relaxed enough to fall asleep.   When she was sure he was sound asleep she carefully slid off the couch. 

Mac dried the dishes Will had washed and then put them away.  She mixed up a batch of brownies and put them in the oven for dessert.  She figured both of them could use a little chocolate.  At 7:00 she, and the baby, decided they were hungry so she ordered the pizza.

Will woke up when the doorman called to say their pizza had arrived.  He used the bathroom and padded into the kitchen as Mac put the pizza box down on the counter.

“Nice nap?” she asked as she handed him two slices of pizza and a Diet Coke.

“Yeah.  Didn’t realize I was so tired.”

“You didn’t sleep well last night,” Mac pointed out with a well arched eyebrow.

“I know.  Probably should have taken something,” Will admitted.

“Well, that would be a step in the right direction,” Mac said with no accusation in her voice, just concern.

“Want to go outside?” Will asked.  They’d recently bought some furniture for their balcony, making them one “room” closer to finishing the apartment. 

“Sounds perfect,” Mac agreed as she grabbed herself a bottle of water and her own pizza.

An hour later the pizza was gone and Mac was stretched out on one of the lounge chairs.  Will was pacing around as he talked on the phone with Don.  He seemed to be laughing and joking, so Mac wasn’t real worried there was a problem at work.  She went in to grab the brownies and the pint of vanilla ice cream she’d picked up earlier.

Will was finishing up his call when she came back out with their dessert.  She set it on the table and went back in to grab a sweatshirt as the air had turned cooler with the setting sun.

“You know, I’m going to gain 30 pounds by the time this kid comes if you keep baking,” Will teased as he cut two generous brownies.

“Nobody’s forcing you to eat brownies,” Mac pointed out with a well-practiced smirk.

“Mmmm,” Will said as he took the first bite of the still warm treat.  “Nancy’s recipe?” he guessed.

“Oh course, Charlie always said she made the best brownies he’d ever had.”

“Think he was right,” Will agreed.  “About more than the brownies,” he added, but not expanding on his thought.  Mac considered asking for clarification but at almost 9 o’clock on a Saturday night, she just didn’t have it in her.

“I’ll call on Monday,” Will muttered cryptically as he took another spoon of ice cream.

“Call who?” Mac asked.  She was a little too tired to follow his stream of consciousness.

“Jacob, Dr. Habib.”

“Oh, okay,” Mac muttered as she pushed aside her empty plate and shifted her chair a little so she could put her feet up in Will’s lap.

“We should start the nursery,” Will stated, shifting gears yet again.

“I think we have time,” she pointed out as she ran her hand over her still flat stomach.  “Maybe we can finish your office first.  Just need to hang everything and pick out an area rug.”

“Yeah. Are we going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?” Will asked, jumping subjects yet again.

“I don’t know,” Mac sighed.

“Can’t keep up with my racing thoughts?” Will asked with a smirk.

“Not at all,” Mac admitted.  “I’m too tired to deal with them,” she replied with a smirk of her own.  “I’m going in.”  She pulled her feet off Will’s lap and stood up.  Pressing a kiss to the top of Will’s head she went inside, loaded the few dishes in the dishwasher and went to the bedroom to read.

Will stayed outside for a while, smoked a cigarette and headed to his office.  He picked up one of his guitars and strummed a little.  Eventually playing the opening notes to “That’s How I Got to Memphis”, something he’d played more times than he could count over the past month.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments.

Will and Mac spent a quiet Sunday close to home.  They’d gone to an early Mass together, out to breakfast and were back home by 11:00.  It was beautiful out and they spent a good portion of the day on the balcony.

As was their custom, they spent a few late afternoon hours preparing for the week ahead.  Will spent the time in his office and Mac spread her work out on the kitchen table.  They met back together over dinner, comparing notes, ideas and plans.

Mac fell asleep early, a little after 9:00 while Will puttered around the apartment, trying to find something to hold his attention.  Music didn’t work, neither did reading.  He eventually left Mac a note next to her on the bed and went out for a walk about 10:30.

The fresh air cleared his head a little and he returned home an hour later.  He made himself a cup of decaf tea and took an Ambien.  By midnight he was asleep, curled up next to Mac.

******

“Billy, do you plan on getting up today?” Mac asked a few minutes after 8:00 the next morning.  She been up for well over an hour, having gone to bed at 9:00 the night before.  Will let out a little moan and pulled the covers back up over his head.  Mac sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed his back for a minute, trying to coax him out of bed.  “Did you sleep okay?” she asked as she gently peeled the blanket back, revealing his messy blond hair. 

“I think so.  I took an Ambien,” he said as he pushed the covers back and sat up cross legged next to Mac.  He rubbed his hands over his eyes in an effort to fully awaken.  “What time are you going in?” he asked.

“Car’s coming in half an hour.  You want me to send the driver back for you?” Mac asked as she patted his knee before standing up to finish getting ready for the office.

“That’s okay, I think I can manage to get myself to work,” Will smirked as he padded behind her when she headed for the bathroom to put on her makeup and finish her hair.  He stepped out of his boxers and reached to start the shower.

Twenty minutes later, Mac headed down the elevator, leaving Will with his bowl of oatmeal and cup of coffee.  He watched ACN and read the newspaper while he ate. 

By 10:30 he was dressed and ready to go.

*****

At a few minutes after 11:00 Will dropped into his desk chair with a sigh.  He texted Mac that he’d arrived and booted up his computer to check his email.  Mac texted back that she was coming down in a minute.  Will didn’t think anything of it, if they didn’t go in together she usually popped down to say “hi” when he got in.

Five minutes later, engrossed in something on his computer he didn’t hear Mac open his door.  She let out a small sob and he looked up to see her standing there with Charlie’s leather portfolio clutched to her chest, the note from Nancy in one hand.  He stood up quickly and crossed the room to gather her into his arms.  She sagged against him, trying hard not to completely fall apart.  He led her to the nearest chair.

“Did you know about this?” she asked as she took the box of tissues he handed her.

“I did.  I knew Nancy put a note in there but I didn’t read it,” Will explained.  She handed him the note and a minute later he was reaching for tissues too.  They eventually took a few deep breaths and pulled themselves together.

Mac smoothed the note as it had wrinkled a little from her clutching it tightly in her hand on the way down to Will’s office.  She tucked it into the portfolio and stood up.  Will gave her a quick kiss and they both went back to work. 

******

“Will, rundown in 15,” Jenna announced from the doorway an hour later.  “You need anything?” she asked.  He’d been quiet since he’d arrived.  Hadn’t left the office since he came in and had declined her offer of coffee.

“No, I’m fine,” he answered without looking up at her.  She closed the door and he picked up the phone, hesitating for just a minute before dialing Dr. Habib.  As luck, or as Will might put it, misfortune, he had a cancellation for the next morning.  Will took the appointment without hesitation.

He plodded through the rest of the day, and if he had to be honest, through the broadcast too.  Mac quickly realized he wasn’t quite on top of his game and she did her best to help him through by whispering slightly inappropriate things in his ear to get him to smile. 

When the light on top of the monitor signaled the end of the show he slid down in his chair, tipping his head back and taking a deep breath. 

“Stay right there, Billy,” he heard Mac whisper through his earpiece.  He gave a little wave to let her know he’d heard her.  He pulled the earpiece loose, unclipped his microphone and loosened his tie in the 20 seconds it took Mac to walk to the anchor desk.  She ran her fingers through his hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead before sliding to sit in front of him on the anchor desk.

“How bad was it?” Will asked.

“It was fine,” she did her best to assure him.  “A little uh, wooden but nothing that’s going to end up on Twitter,” she smirked.  Will scooted the chair closer, wrapping his arms around Mac resting his head on the cool cotton of her blouse.  Mac could hear him whispering something to the baby but couldn’t quite make out what he was saying.  “How about you go change so we can get out of here,” Mac suggested as she bent down to kiss the top of his head.   He nodded against her and untangled himself from their embrace.

An hour later they stumbled into their apartment.  Will dropped his bag on the bench in the entryway and muttered something about a shower as he headed for the bedroom.  Mac kicked off her own shoes and headed to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.  By the time she got to the bedroom she could hear the shower running.  For half a second she thought about joining Will in their beautiful and massive dual headed shower but she had gotten the impression he wanted a little time alone. She curled up in the overstuffed chair by the window looking out over the city. 

Will emerged with a puff of steam 20 minutes later.  He crossed the room with just a towel around his waist.  After slipping on a pair of boxers and a News Night t-shirt he ran the towel over his head before hanging it up in the bathroom.  He took 2 Advil and walked back to face plant on the bed.  Mac watched him with thinly veiled amusement.

He didn’t exactly land near the head of the bed and given his 6’3” frame, most of his legs we left hanging off the foot of the bed.  With an exaggerated sigh he pulled himself up.

“Want to talk about it?” Mac asked when it became clear he wasn’t about to start talking on his own.

“Talk about what?” he mumbled into the pillow.

“About what’s bothering you today,” Mac said quietly as she crawled up the length of the bed, ending up stretched out next to him.

“I’d talk about it, if I understood it,” Will said quietly as he rolled over onto his back.  “I don’t know what’s wrong today,” he sighed.

Mac tugged a little on his pillow until he set it in her lap.  He slipped under the covers and settled with his head in her lap.  She ran her fingers through his damp hair, giving him a few minutes to try and get his thoughts together.

That didn’t happen.

“I think it has to do with Saturday,” Mac said carefully.

“Saturday?”

“Seeing everyone for the first time since the funeral.”

“I guess.”

“It was closure, for you and for your little buddy.  Charlie’s things have been moved out and now it’s…it’s.”

“Real,” Will said, quietly finishing her thought.

“Yes, real,” Mac agreed.

“It sucks.”

“Yes, it does.  Did you call Dr. Habib?” Mac asked making a clean segue.

“I have an appointment in the morning.”

“Great,” she said with a little too much enthusiasm.  Will just eyed her warily.  He knew he needed to go, needed to talk and probably needed to go back on some meds, but he wasn’t exactly enthusiastic at the idea of doing any of those things.  “You want me to go with you?” she offered, cringing at how ridiculous the offer sounded.  Will was a grown man, he didn’t need her to hold his hand.

“I think I can handle it,” he smirked as he stifled a rather large yawn.

“How about you try to get some sleep?”

“Okay.  I’ll try,” he sighed as he moved the pillow to his side of the bed.  He stretched out on his stomach and much to Mac’s surprise, he was asleep within 20 minutes.

*****

At 9:52 Tuesday morning Will entered Dr. Habib’s waiting room.  It was thankfully empty.  He sat down and barely had time to pick up a random magazine when the door the Dr. Habib’s office open and he motioned for Will to come in. 

“Good to see you,” the young doctor said as he held his hand out to Will. 

“You too,” Will said with a small smile.  He entered the office and sat down in one of the overstuffed leather chairs in front of the desk. 

Dr. Habib leaned against the front of his desk, crossing his arms in front of him waiting for Will to talk.  Not surprisingly, Will didn’t exactly jump into a conversation.

“So what brings you in?” he finally asked.

“Really?  You have no idea why I’m here?” Will asked.

“Of course I do.  I read the news, I watch your show, but I want to hear your version of what’s going on,” he replied as he settled in the seat across from Will. 

“Been through hell the past two months.  I got married and on my wedding night I went to jail. Spent almost two months locked up for refusing to give up a source. Charlie, my boss and best friend died. I’m trying to get used to a new EP.  Oh and I’m going to be a father.  Is that enough to have me come rushing in here,” Will snorted.  His tone was much harsher than he had planned and he instantly regretted it.

Dr. Habib just raised his eyebrows and let Will’s tone pass by.  “Okay, but why are you here?” he asked again, his voice calm and quiet.  He’d known Will long enough to know the calmer his voice was, the more likely that Will would be calm also.

Will bit back a sarcastic and probably profanity laced reply to simply whisper, “Because I’m not handling things very well.”

“Well, realizing that is a big step, Will.  Insight’s not your strong suit,” he pointed out.  “When you say not handling it well, what do you mean?”

“I’m not sleeping, I’m anxious,” Will admitted.

“Depressed?”

Will just nodded.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been in.  Are you taking anything now?”

“Ambien, that’s it.”

“Well, like you said, you have been through hell these last few months.  Your symptoms are completely normal.  I’d be more worried if you thought you were doing fine.  What bothers you the most?”

“Symptom wise?” Will asked as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

“Whatever, symptoms, feelings, doesn’t matter.”

“I wasn’t there,” Will whispered.

“Wasn’t where?”

“I wasn’t with Charlie when he died.  I got out of jail about 2 hours after he died.  I think that hurts the most.  He was supposed to come visit me the week before but he couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“He was sick.  Was supposed to come see me the day he died.  But I got word that afternoon that I was getting out.  Mac picked me up and told me he died.”

“You were close?”

“Extremely.  I mean, he was my boss but he was my best friend too.”

“And a father figure?” Dr. Habib guessed.

“I suppose.”

“Just curious, who was with Charlie when he died?”

“Mac and two of our co-workers were at the hospital with him.  His wife didn’t get there in time, unfortunately.  Mac went in the ambulance with him.  I’m glad she was able to do that.  She was able to hold his hand, tell him we loved him.”  Will stopped for a minute to compose himself.  Dr. Habib pointed to the strategically placed box of tissues but Will declined.  “I was supposed to give the eulogy at the funeral.  But I couldn’t.  I asked Charlie’s brother to do it.  Then I was supposed to speak at the graveside but I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t know what to say?”

“Is that a guess, a question?”  Will just shrugged his shoulders.  “Didn’t know what to say or were afraid of saying the wrong thing?

“Yeah, probably that,” Will admitted.  “But I did say a few words back at the house, before we all had to return to work.”

“And how did that go?”

“It was fine.”

“People expected to you speak, right?” Will just nodded.  “What you said probably wasn’t as important as the fact you said something.”  Another nod in agreement.  “In your professional life you have a great need to be liked, to be respected.  And sometimes you have those feelings in your private life, in your personal relationships.  People are your friends because they want to be.  You don’t need to win them over, they’re already your friends.  I think you try too hard to be liked.  From what I gather you’re a fairly likable guy, right?”

“I think I am now, but I wasn’t always.”

“I’m sure you weren’t, but let’s not go back that far right now,” Dr. Habib teased.  Will snorted a little and nodded.

“So you didn’t get closure with Charlie.”

“No, not with him personally.  Over the weekend his wife, daughter and grandsons came to the office to go through the rest of his personal effects.  It gave a little closure to Ned and me.”

“Who’s Ned?” Dr. Habib asked.  He thought he knew most of the players but that name was a new one.

“Ned is Charlie’s 6 year old grandson. He’s having hard time too.  I’m trying to help him and his older brother, Beau.  He’s 17.  Their parents are divorced and they were very close to Charlie.  I told them they could talk to me about whatever, just like they did with Charlie.  Ned is adorable, the kind of kid I hope I have. I feel comfortable with him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t have to pretend with him.  I can easily admit I’m having a hard time.  We cried together, the day of the funeral and Saturday.”

“Why do you think it’s so easy for you to, for lack of a better phrase, be more human, in front of Ned?” Dr. Habib asked as he leaned forward, mirroring Will’s posture.

“Because he’s 6.  Because I don’t need to impress him.  He likes me for me.”

“Yeah, sounds like he does.  Sounds like you’re good for each other.”

“I think we are.  Anyway, cleaning out Charlie’s stuff gave us both some closure.  Nancy, his wife, gave me some things of Charlie’s, sentimental things.  We cleaned out the office so Mac can move in there permanently.”

Dr. Habib just nodded as Will took a deep breath and stood up to pace a little.

“How’s Mac?”

“She’s doing well.  Would like the morning sickness to be over, or at least for it to be confined to the morning.  Settling in to her new position.  Trying to keep me in one piece.  She’s pretty busy.”

“When’s the baby due?”

“February.”

“I take it the pregnancy was a surprise.”

“Yeah, complete surprise to both of us.  She found out a few days before I got out of jail.”

“When did she tell you?”

“Day of the funeral.  At the funeral actually.  Her doctor called just as the service was beginning.  She’d taken a home test the week before but wanted to be sure before she told me.  She’d been up to visit Charlie and Nancy the weekend before and apparently she took the test in their powder room,” Will laughed a little as he moved to stand behind where he’d been sitting.  He rested his arms on the back of the leather chair and leaned against it.  “Charlie knew about the baby.  Mac told him the day she took the test.  For that I will be eternally grateful.  He apparently proclaimed himself an honorary grandfather.  He and I had a conversation a few years ago about fatherhood.  He told me I should try it, that it lives up to all the hype.”

“I’m hoping it does,” Dr. Habib agreed.  “Sounds like everything you’re going through is situational.  Everything can be traced back to what’s been going on.”

“In other words, completely normal?” Will muttered.

“Yep, exactly,” Dr. Habib said with a smile.  “So what do you want to do about meds?  You’ve been on enough things over the years, you tell me what you want to try.”

“Zoloft, I think.”

“Okay, good choice.  Should help with depression and anxiety.  You’ve taken Klonopin in the past as a PRN.  I have no problem giving that to you, if you think you need it.  It will obviously take a while for the Zoloft to kick in and I don’t want you to suffer needlessly.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Will said sincerely.

“I’d also like to see you regularly,” Dr. Habib said as he pushed himself of his chair to grab the prescription pad off his desk. 

“Every other week?” Will offered.

“Sounds good.  And you have my cell number if you need anything.”

Will took a minute to admire the view out of the window while the prescriptions were being written.

“Okay, here you go,” Dr. Habib said as he handed Will the scripts.  “Take care, and I’ll see you in two weeks.  Congratulations on the baby.”

“Thanks,” Will said as she shook the doctor’s hand before turning to leave. 

He left the building feeling a little better, happy to know that while he was in general rather miserable, he was more or less “normal”.


	4. Chapter 4

The third Saturday in August dawned with heat and humidity.  Will woke about 7:00 and slipped out of bed, leaving Mac to sleep for a while longer.  They were going out to the cemetery later that morning.  Charlie’s headstone had been put in place and Nancy had invited family and friends to see it.  She was having a BBQ back at the house afterwards. 

Things had been going fairly well for the previous month or so.  Mac’s morning sickness had all but disappeared, much to her relief.  Tensions at ACN with Pruitt had started to lessen, much to everyone’s relief.  Compromises were made by both Pruitt and the ACN staff and they had all begun to believe that things might actually work out.

As for Will, he’d been doing a little better, overall.  The Zoloft was starting to kick in.  A few times he’d resorted to taking Klonopin when he felt things were getting to be more than he could handle.  Only once was it Mac’s suggestion that he take something.  The other times, it had been his decision.  He’d seen Dr. Habib two more times since his original appointment.  Sleep was still a little elusive at times, but that was something he’d been dealing with for decades. 

Mac was doing her best to be supportive but not hovering, a line she’d been toeing for a long time.  At times she relied on others to help keep an eye on Will.  Sloan and Don were always good for that.  Don did it in a stealthy way, Sloan just treated him like a big brother and that worked all around.

Mac was a little worried how Will would deal with the visit to the cemetery and the gathering after.  Crowds tended to make him a little anxious lately, for unknown reasons.  But she felt she was prepared to deal with whatever happened.  She knew she had backup from Nancy and the rest of their friends, but more importantly, she had Klonopin in her purse should Will need it. 

While Mac slept Will made coffee and took it outside with his laptop and Blackberry.  He scrolled through the news sites and checked his work email.  A little after 8:00 Mac wandered out, dressed in an old t-shirt of Will’s.  She slid into his lap and kissed him soundly.  He snuck his hand under the shirt, resting it on her stomach.  She was starting to show and while she was getting frustrated with trying to find clothes to fit, Will had never found her sexier.

Will’s text alert sounded and he picked up the Blackberry.  He opened the text and broke out into a huge grin.  “What?” Mac asked.  Will held out the phone to her to show her the picture of Ned that Katie had just sent him.  He was apparently dressed for the day in khaki cargo shorts, denim shirt and a little bowtie with the Batman logo on it.

_\--Ned wanted you to see his outfit.  Mom made him the bowtie.  He wants to make sure you bring your bathing suit too._

_\--It’s adorable, tell him I’m picking out a bowtie to wear and packing my suit too._

“You want something to eat?” Will asked as he hit SEND and put the phone back on the table.

“Bagel,” Mac replied.  Will got up to head inside when Mac yelled over the shoulder, “By the way, I ate the last one yesterday.”

“Of course you did,” Will yelled back.  “Everything with cream cheese?”

“Yep.  Better get two, the baby might get hungry later.”

Will just shook his head and went inside to throw on some clothes and talk a walk down the block to Mac’s favorite bagel shop.

 

“One everything bagel with cream cheese for you, poppy seed with butter for me,” Will announced 20 minutes later when he came back into the apartment.  “And an extra everything for later, just in case,” he added.

They ate their bagels at the kitchen table with coffee for Will and decaf tea for Mac as she was really trying to cut down on her caffeine intake.  She was doing fairly well, just as Will was doing fairly well with trying to quit smoking.

Will’s Blackberry buzzed again as he was finishing up his coffee.  “Ned again?” Mac asked as Will read the text.  He just shook his head, took a deep breath and handed Mac the phone.  It was a text from Beau.

\-- _Can you bring your guitar today?_

“How sweet,” Mac whispered as she wrapped her arms around Will, resting her chin on the top of his head.  She handed the phone back to Will so he could answer.

_\--would love to.  I’ll tell Jim to bring his guitar too._

_\--thanks, see you later._

Will texted Jim and then headed for the shower to get ready.

Half an hour later he was at the sink, combing his hair and brushing his teeth while Mac showered.  He headed back to the bedroom to get dressed.  Remembering Nancy’s request for casual and Charlie’s (and Ned’s) fondness for bowties he pulled on a pair of jeans, a white button down shirt and striped bowtie that once belonged to Charlie.  He packed his bathing suit, shorts, t-shirt and sneakers in his backpack before heading to his office to grab a guitar.

Twenty minutes before the car was due to pick them up, Mac was standing in the walk in closet, unable to decide what to wear.

“Mac, car is coming soon.  Nancy said casual but I don’t think a fluffy bathrobe is going to cut it,” he teased as he stepped into the closet.

“I hate you.  You did this to me,” she groaned as she pointed to her expanding middle.

“Yes, I did,” Will said proudly.

She stomped her feet a little and finally picked a loose fitting sundress.

“Not packing your bathing suit?” Will teased as she wisely stepped back so she couldn’t smack him.

“I hate you,” she muttered as she took a step closer and smacked him lightly on the arm.  She slipped on the dress and a pair of sandals.  She put her flip flops in Will’s backpack and went to brush her teeth.

They made it downstairs 5 minutes before the car arrived, much to Will’s surprise.

 

*****

Nancy, Katie and the boys were already at the cemetery when Will and Mac arrived.  As predicted, Ned flew into Will’s arms almost before Will had a chance to get out of the car.  They admired each other’s bowties and Ned told him proudly that he was learning to tie a bowtie all by himself.  Will was impressed as it had taken 3 tries and a youtube video to get his tied.  He didn’t exactly wear one very often and he was almost ashamed to admit the one from his tuxedo was pre-tied.

Will and Mac greeted everyone.  Katie and Nancy made a fuss over Mac’s growing baby bump.  Surprisingly Ned gave Mac a huge hug and started to immediately ask a ton of questions about the baby.

Beau said “hi” to them and then stepped away, not eager to make small talk. 

“Everything okay?” Will asked Katie as he motioned towards Beau.

“I don’t know, hard to tell.  He’s been quieter than usual, not sure that was possible,” she admitted as she glanced at her older son who was walking among the headstones, hands shoved in his pockets.  With a bowtie on and head hanging down he looked very much like his grandfather.

“Want me to try and talk to him later?” Will offered.

“I’d appreciate it.  I told him I was thinking of maybe sending him to talk to someone.   Not exactly thrilled about idea.”

“I doubt he is.  I know I’m not thrilled about having to do it, but I do it anyway,” Will said with a little grin.  “How’s Ned?”

“Resilient,” Katie said with a grin of her own.  “Nightmares have just about stopped.  He still talks about Dad everyday but it’s not with the same intensity.  More matter-of-fact conversations.  Still sleeps with the sweatshirt Dad kept in his office.  He spent a lot of time with Mom over his summer vacation, it was good for both of them.”

“That’s great.  She still wants to stay in the house?”

“Yep.  I thought it would be too much for her but we’re helping.  Beau does the lawn and she hired someone to take care of the pool.  She’s gone through most of Dad’s things.  Hasn’t gotten rid of too much stuff but it’s organized.  I’m sure she’ll be giving some things away today,” Katie said.

“That’s sweet.”

“Will, Sloan’s here,” Ned announced as he ran over to where Will and Katie were talking.

“Still has a thing for Sloan, I see,” Will smirked in Katie’s direction.

“Both of them,” Katie laughed as she pointed in the direction of Beau what had suddenly decided to join the crowd.

Don and Jim had also decided to wear bowties.  Maggie made all the guys pose for a picture, to Ned’s delight.  He situated himself in front of Don and Will while Maggie used her phone to snap the pictures.  They stood around chatting while the last of the guests arrived.

Nancy gathered everyone around the headstone.  Their Pastor said a few words and read some scriptures.  Beau played and sang “Amazing Grace” leaving everyone in tears.  Ned had started off standing by his Mom and Nana but somewhere between the 23rd Psalm and Amazing Grace he ended up between Will and Mac, tightly holding Will’s hand while Mac put her arm around his little shoulders.

Everyone took a few minutes at the headstone before getting ready for the trip back to Nancy and Charlie’s house. 

Will and Mac were one of the last ones to stand before the marble stone.  They spent a few minutes together, hand in hand.  Neither said anything.  Mac eventually kissed Will’s cheek and left him alone with his thoughts.  He wasn’t alone long before he felt a little hand grab his.

Will started to kneel down next to Ned but soon realized his left knee was not going to be happy with that idea.  Given the fact he was in jeans and Ned in shorts, they just settled down on the soft grass, Ned sitting in Will’s lap.  He reached out to trace the letters of his beloved Poppy’s name.

“I still miss him,” Ned whispered.

“I do too, buddy,” Will whispered back.

“Mom says I helped Nana this summer.  Not sure what I did, we just hung out and swam.  Oh and we finished my quilt.”

“I think you helped her by keeping her company.  Maybe you kept her from being too sad.”

“I guess so,” Ned agreed.  “She kept me from getting sad too.”

“Mom told me that your Nana made this,” Will said as he straightened out his Batman tie. 

“She made it with leftover stuff from my quilt.”

“Nice.”

“She’s making a blanket for the baby too….and I think I wasn’t supposed to tell you that,” Ned said as he smacked his little hand against his forehead. 

“I’ll act surprised,” Will assured him.

“Good.”

“Well, I’m too old to be sitting on the ground and I think everyone wants to get going back to the house so how about we get up?” Will asked.

Ned nodded in agreement, gave Will a quick hug and jumped up.  He stood in front of the headstone for a minute, silently mouthing as he read the words etched in the grey marble.  With the back of his hand he wiped away a little tear.  He touched Charlie’s name before running back to where the rest were waiting.

Will carefully stood up and brushed off the back of his jeans.  He said a quick prayer, crossed himself and ran his finger across the top of the headstone.

By the time Will walked over to the car Ned had managed to convince Mac to let him ride with them to the house.  He’d even wrangled his booster seat out of Katie’s car and put it in theirs.

“You okay?” Mac asked as he slipped next to her.  Will just nodded and leaned over to help Ned with his seatbelt.

During the 20 minute drive from the cemetery Ned pointed out all the landmarks they passed, his school, their church, his favorite BBQ place and the barber shop where he (and Charlie) got their hair cut.   He asked a few questions about Will’s guitar which was sitting on the seat beside him.  His chattiness was a welcome distraction for both Will and Mac. 


	5. Chapter 5

 

The car that Will, Mac and Ned were in was the last one to pull into the long Skinner driveway.  Will and Mac started to head for the front door but Ned pulled them around the house to the deck, despite their protests that they wanted to put their things inside.

As they rounded the corner of the house they heard a loud cheer.  They looked up, completely confused at the crowd of people.  There were many more people than had been at the cemetery.  Hanging from the deck was a large, handmade sign.

CONGRATULATIONS MACKENZIE AND WILL

Mac dropped Will’s backpack on the ground with a thud while Will gently set his guitar down.  Tears were already rolling down both their faces when Nancy came over to them.

“What is this?” Will asked as he pulled her into a big hug.

“Well, you two never had a wedding reception.  And Charlie and I had planned on throwing you a big party after you got out of jail.  I figured he would still want me to do that,” she explained with a watery smile as she reached to hug Mac too.

“Thank you,” Mac whispered.

“Did you know about this?” Will asked as he bent down to talk to Ned.  The little guy just nodded, very proud of the fact he’d managed to keep the secret.

Will and Mac pulled themselves together and went to greet the rather large crowd of friends who had showed up to celebrate with them.

Half an hour later the party was in full swing.  The pool was full, food was everywhere and some of the guys were playing basketball in the driveway.  Music came from the speakers on the deck and liquor flowed freely, in the memory of Charlie, of course.

Ned was having the time of his life in the pool with Will, Don, Jim, Beau and a few of the other ACN guys. Katie watched him from the deck with a huge smile on her face.

Later in the afternoon Jim and Don manned the grill while the girls got the rest of the food out.  Will decided to take the opportunity to talk to Beau.  He found him sitting on a lounge chair out by the now empty pool with a can of Coke in his hand and his earbuds stuck in his ears.  Will gave a little wave in his direction to get his attention.  Beau gave the cord a little tug and pulled the earbuds free.

“Hey, what’s up?” Beau asked, in typically teenaged fashion.

“Not much,” Will answered as he sat down in the lounge chair next to Beau.  “Your Nana said you helped plan this party.  Thanks for that.”

“No problem.  Poppy would have wanted it,” Beau said as he sat up a little, sitting cross legged on the end of the lounger.  “Did Mom send you out to talk to me?” he asked quietly.  There was no accusation in his voice, just a hint of resignation.

“No, she didn’t have to,” Will replied quietly as he mirrored Beau’s posture on his own lounge chair.  “You remember the promise I made the day of the funeral, right?”

Beau silently nodded his head.  “Mom thinks I should talk to someone,” Beau admitted quietly a minute later.

“What do you think?” Will asked.  Beau just shrugged his shoulders.  He looked to his right and the look on Will’s face let him know he wasn’t going to get away without an actual answer.

“She might be right,” he admitted with a sigh.

“What do you think you need to talk about?” Will asked as he turned a little to face Beau.

Beau took a deep breath and pushed his baseball hat back on his head a little to look Will in the eye.  “Poppy, I guess.  My dad, school, life.  I don’t know.”

“Well, the decision to have you talk to someone needs to be made by you and your Mom.  But I can tell you that talking to someone isn’t the worst idea.  I’m not thrilled about it either, but I do it,” Will said simply.  Beau head shot up a little.

“You talk to someone?”

“Yeah, a psychiatrist.  Every other week.”

“For what?” Beau asked curiously.

“To make sure I’m handing things in a healthy way.”

“As opposed to Poppy’s not so healthy way of handling things with bourbon,” Beau said with a grin.

“Yeah, something like that,” Will said with a little laugh of his own.

“Do you see someone because of Poppy or something else?”

“A combination of things.  Charlie’s death is certainly one of those things.  I have problems with anxiety and panic attacks.  Sometimes it is just a good idea to get a different perspective on things.”

“Have you gone for a long time?”

“Off and on for years.  More “off” than was probably the best idea.”

“How does it work?  Does the doctor just ask questions?”

“Well, usually when I go in I’m not as talkative as I should be.  Dr. Habib has a way of getting me to talk before I realize what’s happening.  We usually just talk about what’s happened since I last saw him.  We talk about ways I can cope and he asks how I’m doing on my meds.”

“Meds?” Beau asked, clearly surprised.

“Yep.  I take something daily that helps with both anxiety and depression.  And I have something I take when things get a little out of control, instead of bourbon,” Will added.

Beau chuckled.  “I guess it’s not the worst idea Mom’s had,” he admitted.

“Probably wouldn’t phrase it quite that way to her though,” Will teased.  Beau nodded in agreement.

“You brought your guitar right?” Beau asked.

“Of course.  You wanna play after we eat?” Will asked. 

“Yeah,” Beau answered with a smile.

“Beau, your girlfriend is here,” Ned yelled from the deck, teasing his brother.  Beau turned instantly red as he waved to Audrey.  He and Will stood up together.

“Thanks,” he said to Will as he gave him a quick fist bump and headed for the deck.  Will went up to the deck to see what he could do to help get the food on the table.

*****

After eating the guitars came out, much to the delight of everyone.  They set up on the deck, Ned was in his glory sitting next to Will.  They played for well over an hour, everything from The Beatles, to Journey to Springsteen.  Beau even played a few songs he’d written, one of them was apparently written for Audrey who hung on every note as she sat next him.

On the other side of Will sat Jim, who had his own admirer sitting next to him, Maggie.

Ned kept up the rhythm section by drumming on the side table next to him.  Will had to admit the little guy had a real feel for the music.

Nancy announced dessert was almost ready so they played one last song at Ned’s request, “That’s How I Got to Memphis”.  By the time the song was over there were more than a few teary eyes in the group.

“Dessert is in the kitchen,” Katie announced as she motioned Will and Mac in the house where they found a beautiful wedding cake waiting for them.  They cut it and fed it to each other, Mac smashing a little in Will’s face to the delight of their friends.

After dessert the crowd thinned a little. Beau shuttled people back to their cars which had been parked at their house.  Ned ended up back in the pool with Neil and Jim.  Mac, Maggie, Sloan and Katie ended up on the front porch with their coffee and in the case of Mac, decaf tea.  Will was in the kitchen with Nancy helping to clean up a little.

“That’s enough for today,” Nancy announced as she put one last bowl in the dishwasher before turning it on.

“You sure?” Will asked as he swept his hand over the kitchen, which was still piled with party remnants.

“It’s fine.  Food’s put away.  Boys can help me clean up tomorrow.  I’m sure Ned will sleep over tonight.”

“In Charlie’s office, no doubt,” Will added.

“Yeah, I don’t think I will ever be able to change a thing in the office,” Nancy said with a smile.  “I’ve been known to spend a little time in there on occasion too,” she admitted.  “You want a drink?”

“Sure,” Will smiled.  They headed for the den and Charlie’s stash of bourbon.  Will poured them each a drink.  While bourbon wasn’t Nancy’s favorite she felt obligated to have a little with Will.  They took a seat at the opposite ends of the couch, Nancy tucking her feet under her while Will stretched his long legs out in front of him, slumping down a little.  “Thanks so much for today,” he whispered as he swirled the amber liquid a little before taking a big sip.

“You are more than welcome.  The week before Charlie died we had talked about throwing you a party after you got out of jail.  A couple of weeks ago I realized that not only didn’t we get to throw that party, it dawned on me that you never had a wedding reception.  I had a lot of help from the ACN family, including the Devil.”  Will laughed at her use of Charlie’s nickname for Pruitt.  “He’s out of town this weekend but he was the one who sent the cake.  He’s been surprisingly attentive, calls every few weeks to check up on me.”

“Probably feels guilty,” Will guessed.

“He probably does, as a lot of ACN staffers did in the days after Charlie’s death.  I’m sure Mac told you about the doctor’s appointment Charlie had a few days before he died.”  Will just nodded.  “So it wasn’t anyone’s fault and I hope everyone has gotten over those feelings.”

“I think they have,” Will said as he tipped his head back a little, taking a deep breath.  “I talked to Beau earlier.”

“I saw you out by the pool.  How did it go?”

“Went okay I think.  We talked about how Katie wants to send him to see someone.  I was honest about my own visits with the shrink, the fact that I take meds regularly.  Think he realizes he needs a little help.  Admitted it’s more than just Charlie’s death that’s bothering him.”

“Yeah, Michael’s been seeing someone and the boys are less than thrilled with her.  I’m not thrilled with her either.  She’s some leggy blond who he has no future with.  But I’m sure she’s good for his middle aged male ego,” Nancy snorted as she took a sip of her drink.  Will just chuckled a little in agreement.

“Anyway, I think he will give it a try.”

“Good.  Ned is doing better.  It’s been good for me to have him around this summer.”

“That’s what Katie said.  I know he was thrilled to spend so much time here these last few months.”

“Oh, I have something for you,” Nancy said as she reached grab a small gift bag off the end table next to her.  She pulled out an envelope with Will’s name on it in Charlie’s neat, precise handwriting.  Will gave her a questioning look.  “I’m not sure what it is, I found it under the blotter on the desk in his office.  There was a Post It note that said to give it to you if he couldn’t,” she explained.

“Mind if I read this at home?” Will asked.  “I’ve managed to keep myself together today and I’d rather not fall apart now,” he said with a little grin.

“Not a problem,” Nancy assured him.

Will peeked into the bag to see what was in there.  As he could have guessed there were bowties nestled in the blue tissue paper.

“The dark one he was wearing the night he died.  The other one he wore to your wedding,” Nancy explained as she wiped away a few tears.

“So much for not falling apart,” Will muttered as he wiped his eyes and leaned over to kiss Nancy’s cheek.

“Sorry,” she whispered with a little laugh.

They chatted for a little while longer.  Eventually Ned wandered in.  He’d put his clothes back on after swimming with the guys but hadn’t combed his hair.  Will pulled him into his lap and smoothed his hair down a little.  “Nana, I’m hungry,” he announced.

“Well, I think there might be a few things left in the kitchen.  Why don’t you go look.  And don’t stand there with the fridge door opened too long,” she warned.  Ned slid off Will’s lap and went off in search of a snack.  “He’s got Charlie’s habit of standing there staring at the open fridge.”

“I think I might have that same issue,” Will muttered in agreement.  “I think I’ll go join him.”

Will headed for the kitchen, stopping to put the gift bag next to his backpack on the bench in the foyer.

*****

By the time Will and Mac arrived back at their apartment it was nearing midnight.  Chris, who had driven for Charlie and had been at the party, brought them home and they welcomed his help getting things in the apartment.  They had a sizable pile of unexpected wedding gifts to bring home as well as leftover food Nancy has insisted they take with them. 

“Have a good night,” Chris said quietly as he let himself out.

“Wow,” Will muttered as he stood in the middle of the living room.  He ran his hand through his hopelessly messy blond hair. “That was quite the unexpected day.”

“Sure was.  We have awesome friends,” Mac said as she wrapped her arms around him, tucking her head under his chin.  Will kissed the top of her head and held her tight.  He felt her let out a large yawn as the clock struck midnight. 

“Why don’t you go to bed?  I’m going to stay up for a little while,” Will said quietly.

“You okay?” Mac asked as she stepped out of his embrace and took a good look at him. 

“I’m fine,” he said in a voice which led her to more or less believe him.

“Alright.  Love you.  Don’t stay up too late, you need some sleep too.”

Will nodded in agreement, kissed her softly and ran his hand over her baby bump.

After Mac headed off to bed Will grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before putting away the food Nancy had sent home.  He tossed his bathing suit and dirty clothes in the laundry room before returning to the kitchen.  The gift bag from Nancy caught his eye.  He turned on the light over the kitchen table and sat down with the bag and his water.  It took him a minute before he even reached for the bag.  Eventually he pulled the bowties out of the bag, smoothing the silk between his fingers.  He set them aside and pulled the envelope out.  He turned it over in his hands as if the action would let him know the contents.  It was a regular white, birthday card sized envelope with just his name on it.  Taking a deep breath, and a few sips of water, he used a butter knife to slit it open.  With one more deep breath he pulled out a notecard with the ACN logo.  When he opened it a single sheet of regular white copier paper, folded in quarters, fell out.  With a slightly trembling hand he started to read Charlie’s familiar, precise handwriting.

 

_Dear Will,_

_As I write this I’m sitting in my office at home.  Nancy think I’m up here working as I always do on Sunday afternoon.  But I realized quickly that my heart wasn’t in reading up on the latest news stories._

_Things have been so fucked up at work that I’m not sure where my heart or my head are at this very moment.  Nor do I know why I am writing this.  I just have this feeling…and not a good one.  I’m not big on premonitions or shit like that but let’s face it, I’m certainly not the picture of health._

_I went to the doctor a few days ago. Not my best appointment ever, to put it mildly._

_I’m truly sorry I didn’t make it to visit you on Monday.  You really didn’t want me there.  It was not my finest moment.  Involved spending way too much time in the bathroom with my lovely, and long suffering wife, rubbing my back and trying to calm me down._

_It occurred to me since you and Mac didn’t exactly have a traditional wedding that as the best man (thanks again for that) I didn’t get to give my toast.  So I have enclosed my speech, which I started writing about 6 hours after you asked me to be your Best Man.  When you read it, try to hear it in my slightly inebriated voice, shouldn’t be too hard to do._

_~~~~~~~_

_Hopefully by now you know you’re going to be a father.  If not, sorry I just royally screwed that up.  But then again, if you’re reading this, it’s not like you’re going to be able to yell at me._

_I remember our conversation a few years ago about fatherhood.  I’m hoping you remember it too. It really is all it’s hyped up to be.  So enjoy, you and Mac will be great parents.  Just remember that when you decide you’re a little short of confident.  (Yes, I’m sure that is going to happen)_

_Speaking of being a father, if something should happen to me, please look after Beau and Ned.  They’ll need someone._

_Hopefully this note will remain hidden for years and by the time you get it my Best Man speech (which I will have given at a blow out party at my house) will be a distant memory and I will have spent years spoiling your child._

_But if things don’t happen that way I want you to remember this William Duncan McAvoy, you are a good man.  No matter what others may say or how you feel about yourself, I know that is the truth.  It has been my honor and privilege to have been your friend for all these years._

_So go make me proud in everything you do._

_Charlie_

Will set the note aside and poured himself a generous splash of bourbon from the bottle he found on top of the fridge.   Since he didn’t remember buying it and bourbon wasn’t really Mac’s favorite, he assumed correctly that Charlie had brought it over while he was in jail.

After the drink, pacing around the kitchen for a minute, walking to the bedroom to check on Mac and sneaking outside for a cigarette he felt readyto read Charlie’s speech.

 

_First off, from the bottom of my heart I am so grateful to be standing here as the Best Man._

_We are gathered here today to celebrate the wedding of Mackenzie and Will.  I’m sure most of you are having the same thoughts I’ve had recently, such as…._

_\--it’s about damn time_

_\--what the hell took so long_

_\--I thought this day would never come_

_But seriously we are witnessing the end of a long, long road but the beginning of what I hope will be a beautiful journey that lasts a lifetime._

_Mac, you are a beautiful, brave woman and while maybe I should be wishing you good luck I don’t think you’ll need it.  Over the past few years you’ve showed you have what it takes to deal with Will.  Your strong personality, sense of humor, quick wit and immeasurable patience will all come in handy._

_Will, I love you like a son, that’s no surprise to anyone here.  We’ve been through a lot of things, some good, some rather crappy.  But you’ve always made it through to the other side in one piece, more or less.  You’ve spent many years with a great big piece missing from your life.  And I expect your beautiful bride here to complete the puzzle quite nicely.  I once pointed out to you that you had clay feet and despite that fact I loved you anyway.  But all that has changed and you are a new man._

_At the risk of sounding corny, the two of you do bring out the best in each other.  I think everyone here knows that.  It’s been a long, rocky road for both of you.  There were detours along the way and times when we all probably should have lost hope.  But we’re not here to relive them.  It’s time to look forward._

_So let’s raise our glasses to Will and Mac.  May God bless you as you begin your new journey as husband and wife.  I love you both, very much._

 

Will put the page down as Charlie’s words blurred in his sight.  He put his head in his hands and sobbed.  Despite trying to be quiet, the sound of his crying woke Mac a few minutes later.  She found him at the kitchen table, papers and an empty glass in front of him.  She tentatively reached for the papers, looking for Will for permission.  He gave it in the form of an almost imperceptible nod.  While she read she reached to rub his back gently.  As she finished reading the speech Will pulled her into his lap where they cried together. 


End file.
